I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
