I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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