you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
