I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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