she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
