be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
