i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
