You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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