i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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