there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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