we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
is it fun? or sober?
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