I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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