First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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