Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
