some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
