So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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