im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
