I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
