Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
