the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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