so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
