i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
