Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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