i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
