Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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