I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
