I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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