Whod you bang
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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