she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
