that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We have started to decorate penises.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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