Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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