thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
