Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
