i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
