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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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