Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
