I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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