i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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