Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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