sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
