hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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