I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
