Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
