I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
