Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
