Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
