Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I deserve this hangover.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
