"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
