Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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