i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
