some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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