i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i dont even know how to be here
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
