I wish I could teleport
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
