apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm like, not good at living.
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