please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
