So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I FOUND THE LEGS
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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