I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
