last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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