Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
