He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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