How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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