i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
