nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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