I'm going to jail i love you
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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