She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
