I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
