Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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