i think i have two assholes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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