i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
