I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
