butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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