Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
