Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
