I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
