I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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