its not stalking. its research.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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