so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
