She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
