not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
