we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
