You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
