my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
